An Exercise in Futility: Dwarf Fortress

There's a possibility you've heard of the game Dwarf Fortress. If so, then you probably know how impossible and unforgiving the game is. If you don't, let me lay down a beat for you. As you figured out, you're tasked with building a dwarf fortress. Except it's not you building it, it's a pack of rough-n-tumblin' dwarves. You don't so much control them as suggest places to dig and build, but they're usually agreeable unless they're injured, sick, or dead. Those qualities occur more frequently than not. You've got goblins, wildlife, the elements, and starvation to contend with. But it's okay because they're a bunch of dwarves. Right?

Numerous websites are dedicated to sharing stories about players' DF experiences like recording the epic tales of lost civilizations. There is no endgame. You play until the civilization falls. Or you get frustrated because you keep confusing a dwarf for a tree or vice versa. Did I mention the game looks like this?

That's not the Matrix; that's Dwarf Fortress. And in Dwarf Fortress, losing is fun. Let me repeat that: losing is fun.

I have decided for the eighth time that I'm going to attempt to learn and play Dwarf Fortress until my dwarves cave themselves in and are devoured by demons. The first time I even tried to play the game I had no clue what was going on, only saw little characters strolling around the wagon, waiting for my command. I don't think I ever issued a command because I didn't understand how they worked. But I have a better idea now, after having attempted several different tutorials, I think I'm ready to lose all over again.

Eweanenu, "The Enchanted Planets," Year 87 of the Age of Myth

The band embarked in the Courteous Field on the continent of the Sacks. My party of seven arrived from the Mountainhomes, ready to strike the earth and establish a new home called Asdugtun. Though tired from the long journey, they knew it was important to get to work quickly before the the world sought to consume them.

[It was by this point the writer had commanded his two woodworkers, Shorast Kolimik and Stukos Delersakrith, to chop down trees to start building furniture. The game remained paused until the writer finally saw that pressing the space bar resumed the action of the game so his dwarves could proceed with their job. He also shifted the camera view in such a way that he lost sight of his dwarves and had to perform a Google search in order to figure out how to center the camera view back on his dwarves. -Ed.]

Miner Sibrek Endokmafol was tasked with carving a home into the earth for his companions.

[The writer struggled with commanding the dwarf to dig downward, continually trying to set a zone for him to mine. The writer realized that mining does not occur on a vertical axis but rather a horizontal one, so he had to pick the Channel function in order to dig downard. -Ed.]

Sibrek chipped away through rock and dirt to create a long hallway that they could soon channel off into offices, private rooms, workshops, meeting halls--

[The writer decided that he had accomplished much by this point so he saved his game and went to find food. -Ed.]

TO BE CONTINUED