A Review Of The Burrito I Had From Chipotle Friday Night

I’ve been to Chipotle a handful of times, but I usually get the same thing: a burrito. I have no interest in their bowls or tacos; just give me that fist-sized tortilla capsule of meat, beans, and cheese and I’m happy. So last night was par for the course. We waited in line for a good fifteen minutes—it’s a new location so I guess that justifies the ridiculous lines—and we waddled sideways down the line, answering the servers’ questions. White rice or brown rice? What kind of meat? Black or pinto beans? Sour cream or cheese?

Some options seemed inaccessible to me. I saw a tray filled with grill onions and green peppers, but why didn’t they ask me if I wanted some? Do they not go on a burrito? Surely they could just as easily dig a plastic gloved-hand in to sprinkle some greens on my burrito as they do the handful of carnitas. Is there some burrito etiquette I don’t know? No peps on your B?

Here was my burrito: carnitas with pinto beans, corn, hot salsa, and cheese. Nothing extravagant, just a hearty burrito made of things I like. The corn was a new addition to my usual burrito, and I figured a healthy addition to my meat-heavy meal. It’s part of Chipotle’s charm: nothing flashy, just a quick and dirty burrito that’s hefty and filling.

I brought the burrito back home and spoke to my parents on the phone for a bit. Finally, I unwrapped my culinary present made with love and took the first bite. While there was some heat to it, it tasted much blander. I suspect it may have been the carnitas themselves since I usually get the barbacoa. The salsa was spicier than I remember, but even that didn’t add much to the flavor. I didn’t expect much out of the corn or beans except filler, and I had to struggle to taste the cheese.

A few more bites and no more flavor could be found. I wondered if I had been burrito bamboozled. I know when I made carnitas a couple weeks ago, there was far more flavor to them. How do you make your carnitas, Chipotle? I demand an answer. Surely you don’t get them in from a wholesaler and just nuke them right before you open? Listen, I'll bring my Crock Pot over, I'll throw a pork shoulder in there with all the fixins, and we'll just let that baby cook overnight. Then, you'll have some fresh carnitas to serve instead of the spongy replacement you gave me Friday night.